My Thoughts Are Chocking On You My Dear

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Strange anger that seemed to be directed more at herself than at the world, as though she had let the universe down somehow but was to proud to apologize

For Once... i would love it if the world just left me alone...

so many questions and no anwsers... so many different advices and none that hit the spot.. so much confusion and no comfort

does that make sense or am i rambling?.. i know the saying goes "If you didnt have the bad days you'd never appreciate the good ones".. amen to that... but seriously.. shoving it down my throat... leave me alone

Can i go home now? can i go somewhere where there wont be heartbreaking change.. sure change is to be expected.. but whenever i finally settle and i think i find home.. it gets taken away from me. So i would love it if the world left me alone.

maybe i like the pain... now there a woozy thought.. maybe somehow it is comforting. maybe it's what keeps me going... ha for all i know it might be all i have for the moment...

(Pain is heartache,
Pain is an emotional heart break.
Pain is a roller coaster.
That is filled with twists, turns, and hills.
Pain is an emotional medication.
Best taken if it were a pill.
Pain is love.
Love is an emotional bond that holds me to you.
Pain is the love that forces me to seduce you.
Take you into my world, mold and console you.
For this pain, a pill.
There was no cure)

I can be there and i can be here.. am i living a lie? am i walking around in a misty haze of self destruct? who really knows me? does anyone.. does anyone dare to take a close look... cmon.. i dare you.. take a peek, i know you want to.. but will you be like all the rest who either run or slowly walk away each time taken a bigger piece of my heart? or am i so damaged that you're disgusted?... sometime i disgust myself, i look in the mirror and cringe... we all have those moments right? the point of self loathing? .. it's in moments like those where some find change, while others ignore it...

you know what my best friend told me ill tell you..

Anonoymous: "Megan you always make it sound wonderful. But sometimes i think it must be awful for you. that you do a great job of hiding the pain, that sometimes you must feel so lonely..."

haha i didnt know what to say. how do i respond to that? i dont in fact say anything, because my throat closed up and i thought i was going to cry. Because of course i do a great job of hiding the inner turmoil, and people only see the cool, tough, exciting, life of moi. They see what they want to see and very few people bother to look deeper

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