{.. Disappearing Act ..}

this was from a couple weeks ago... but i reread it and yeah yeah..
it brought tears to my eyes
so here ya go...
i loved this person dearly and its sad when friendships come to an end

.

ok.. Disappearances happen.
it's unexplained, it's rare, but it happens.
Life is full of vanishing acts..

If something that we didnt know we had disappears, do we miss it?

_____, did you ever feel like you were disappearing? Because i do... all the time.
I wonder why cant I just be that "happily ever after" person.
Why can't i just believe that?
I dont really know what i believe in anymore..

I know that i WANT to believe in the good.

I believe life has been one hell of a trial for me... BUT i want to believe that in the face of all the overwhelming evidence to the contrary that I will be ok.

I want to believe a lot of things..

BUT.. I DO believe that my mom is always with me where ever i go.

and i believe if i eat a whole bag of chips and salsa and no one sees me... then calories dont count.

And yeah.. i believe that i have intimacy and commitment issues due to my obvious daddy issues and my past relationship...
because of that i believe that MAYBE love isnt for me.

I believe that music can cure ANYTHING.

We dont like to believe miracles exsist... but i believe they do. It happens. We cant explain them, we cant control them, but they DO happen.

I BELIEVE that i was the BEST of friends you could ever come across... and it was a mistake to cut me out of your life with NO explanation...



most of all...
I believe in survival...
I believe that believing we survive... is what makes us survive.

I love you _____.. you are... were... my family... my brother.. my friend.. I let you down... I dont know how, but i did. and you dont trust me right now but please... it's me!... its us...

anyway.. again.. If something that we didnt know we had disappears, do we miss it?

i guess, like others, our friendship will... is fading away...

Like i said... disappearances happen.
Pains... go phantom
Blood... stops running


and people...


people fade away...

There's so much more i have to say..
So much more..
but...

I'm disappearing..

.